My second book,
Shorelines and Shadows: The Fear of Being Seen and the Power of Taking Up Space
A guide to shedding invisibility, reclaiming your voice, and stepping fully into your presence—without waiting for permission.
You’ve spent years shrinking yourself. Softening your opinions. Holding back your truth to avoid rocking the boat. You’ve learned to be agreeable, adaptable, digestible—hoping that if you stay small enough, safe enough, quiet enough… maybe you’ll finally belong.
But here’s the truth: No amount of disappearing will protect you from being misunderstood. No amount of people-pleasing will earn you the right to take up space. And no amount of silence will make you feel seen.
Shorelines & Shadows is for the ones who are done editing themselves to survive. It’s a homecoming—for the version of you that always knew you were meant to be more than manageable.
The Cost of Staying Small
“You were not born to be palatable. You were not put here to be agreeable, easy to manage, or endlessly polite. But somewhere along the way, you learned to flinch before speaking, to apologize for existing, to whittle yourself down to fit into rooms that were never built for your fullness.
You called it being humble. Being flexible. Being safe. But let’s be honest—what you were really doing was disappearing.
And the longer you stayed quiet, the heavier the silence became.”
-Alexandra Gulbis, LCSW
Shorelines and Shadows: The Fear of Being Seen and the Power of Taking Up Space
Shorelines & Shadows is for the ones who’ve spent a lifetime making themselves smaller. The quiet overachievers. The soft-spoken chameleons. The ones who learned to be agreeable instead of authentic—shaping themselves to survive in environments that never felt entirely safe to be fully seen.
It’s for anyone who’s ever asked, “Is it okay if I take up space?”
And for everyone who’s finally ready to stop waiting for permission.
Through clear-eyed insight and deeply validating prose, Alexandra Gulbis, LCSW, helps you understand how fear, conditioning, and unspoken social contracts have kept you stuck in the cycle of self-erasure. She guides you to:
Name the fear of being seen—and why visibility has felt so threatening, even when you crave it.
Recognize the silent contracts you’ve signed—the ones that tell you it’s safer to be invisible, agreeable, or endlessly accommodating.
Unpack the psychology of shrinking—how shame, survival instincts, and subtle trauma patterns keep you hiding in plain sight.
Reclaim your right to take up space—not with performance or perfection, but with grounded, unapologetic presence.
Undo the myth of readiness—so you can stop waiting to be chosen and start choosing yourself.
Each chapter of Shorelines & Shadows doesn’t just give you insight—it gives you a mirror. And a map. At the end of every section, you’ll find journaling prompts that help you:
Unearth what you’ve been hiding—and why.
Track your invisibility patterns—from the boardroom to the bedroom.
Imagine a version of yourself that doesn’t flinch at your own light.
Because reclaiming your presence isn’t about being louder.
It’s about no longer apologizing for existing.
So grab your journal. Step out of the shadows. And start the work of becoming fully, finally, seen.
Selected Excerpts
On Shrinking and Survival
“You learn to be agreeable. To be adaptable. To keep yourself just small enough that you don’t inconvenience anyone. And for a while, this strategy works.
But then, something shifts. Maybe you wake up one day exhausted—not from doing too much, but from being too little of yourself.”
On the Fear of Being Seen
“Being truly seen—fully visible in our truth, without pretense or performance—can feel absolutely unbearable. It triggers something deep and primal, an anxiety that doesn’t always make sense but can shape our lives in profound ways.”
On Taking Up Space
“You do not have to wait to be chosen. No one is going to hand you the perfect moment, the open door, the assurance that you are now worthy of stepping into yourself.
You do not need external validation to confirm what you already know deep down—that you are meant to be here, in all your fullness, without hesitation.”